"I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I'll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can't take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all."--Whitney Houston, "The Greatest Love Of All."
I, too, kept hoping that she would go back to her "greatest love of all..." right inside of herself.
After all, my journey of many thousand miles began with her words resonating in my mind as I drove cross country. By the time I'd reached California, weeks after starting out from Connecticut, I felt the words had become a part of my soul.
Little did I know that Whitney Houston's lyrics were preparing me for a journey into my own soul that began with that cross country drive.
"...they can't take away my dignity..."
"...I found the greatest love of all inside of me...."
Over the years as Whitney struggled to find her footing, I wished...hoped...and believed that eventually, she'd go back inside herself...and
indeed find that "greatest love of all."
It was not to be.
Yesterday, Saturday, February 11 @ 3:55 p.m. Pacific Standard Time, the greatest voice of all...was stilled...forever. Whitney Houston was a mere 48 years old.
I crawled into my own self, as I listened to CNN for hours, as the network kept repeating the same news and reports of her death. The good part is that they had updates in the tributes coming from her colleagues and friends.
Jennifer Holliday perhaps provided the most thoughtful perspective on what happened to Whitney over the years.
She kept wanting to go back, Holliday told CNN. *"She kept wanting to go back to that time and place when she felt nothing but love..."
Holliday said that in the last years, Whitney felt especially comforted by Clyde Davis' presence in her life, because he represented a time when she felt nothing but love.
From Holliday's perspective, Whitney knew that her voice had changed and she wanted to have the same level of perfection in her voice that she'd had before. When she couldn't, she became disappointed in herself as a result of the perfection she saw reflected in her previous self.
Wow. Truth.
How many of us do that?
How many of us change...and instead of moving forward into the change...and evolving from that point, we try to go back and crawl back into the shadows of our former selves, because it brings us comfort?
I don't seem to have a lot of trouble with that...because I don't like to spend any time in the past...dwelling on the past. It's just a habit I've cultivated
over the years.
I move on...I move on fast...never, ever really looking back.
Life is ever evolving.
Life is not a revolving door.
It wasn't meant to be.
Life was meant to be an evolution of our soul.
We need to take the past...marry it with the future...and move forward into new pastures.
Even if, you end up with a lot of manure in the new pastures, you have to learn to dig your way out of the filth...you can't keep crawling back to the same spot where you were before...
Picture this:
You find yourself deep in a river of manure...quicksand...whatever...
Your head is barely above water...
You're making slow progress, as you navigate your way forward....
But...you are moving forward!
Then, when you get right to the middle of the river, for whatever reason, you decide that the manure is too thick...you can't see to the end...
So, what do you do?
You decide to turn back!
That, my friend, is when you will get swallowed up...
And yes...you will drown.
As you advanced slowly through the manure and filth, if you were paying attention, you should have felt something else, other than your fear.
Slowly...gradually...inch by excruciating inch...you should have begun to feel a warmth developing inside you.
Despite the appearances on the outside, on the inside, you should have begun to feel some comfort in navigating the filth...and gradually your fear should have begun to dissipate.
that is...IF...you were paying attention.
Instead, what happens to most of us, when we hit the river and the manure begins to rise, we focus on the manure.
We don't keep our sights on the horizons...beyond where the eyes can see.
We keep looking down at the thickness of the manure...
the deepness of the river...we're wading through.
Doing so, we sink.
I say this...when the manure begins to rise...right there...right then...
that's the time to begin to SWIM.
Yes...**PUSH through the thickness of the substance that has begun to form around you. PUSH ...until you feel it beginning to give way...
Then, keep PUSHING...until your hands begin to come free, and you can feel yourself being propelled forward by the force of your own strength that is coming from within.
You know you've got it in YOU!
You know that the substance that surrounds you can be melted and dissolved...if only "you believe."
PUSH.
Swim.
Move your body forward.
PUSH...Swim...Go Within...
Dig deep.
Go deeply within.
Don't look back.
Never, ever look back ...especially in regret.
Everything that happened to bring you to that river of filth was meant to happen...so that you could make your way through...and learn how to swim.
Know without a doubt that you are where you are supposed to be.
PUSH...Swim...Go Within...
If you encounter sharks as the substance in the river begins to clear, continue on in confidence; don't lose faith.
Stare those sharks down.
Swim away...they will leave you alone.
As you begin to see the shore and the water begins to become clear liquid, learn how to live with a new vision.
Begin to look at the world with the new insight you gained...when you were in the middle of the river...and didn't know whether to go forward or backward.
Learn how to live from the Inside, before you go OUT every day.
See the world with new eyes.
See the world beyond sight.
Begin to feel the world.
Begin to listen with your heart...
"Eyes see only light, ears hear only sound, but a listening heart perceives meaning."
David Steindl-Rast, A Listening Heart
When you do...you would indeed have found...
"the greatest love of all."
Who are you looking to valid YOU, this Valentine's Day, just two days away?
Who is going make you feel whole?
Where are you looking for love?
R.I.P. Whitney Houston.Thanks for the "words," Whitney.
As for the lessons we learned from those words...just wished you had allowed them to penetrate your soul! In that way, you probably would not have allowed yourself to follow even your own shadow!
Namaste',
Che'
* Paraphrase
**PUSH= Pray Until Something Happens!
