The Guilt Trips…from Pizza… to Religion…to God!

Like everyone else, I have my days when nothing would satisfy my hunger but a pizza.
I tend to crave pepperoni pizza ONLY once a month, as that’s the limit I’ve set for myself. Today was that day for a Domino’s Pizza.

At Domino’s the pizza is more appealing because...it’s just a few minutes from my house...it’s prepackaged and ready to go…and it costs just $5 for a large. So I planned making a quick stop on my way in and get my quick fix for dinner. But it wasn’t to be.

Today was my day for a guilt trip. On the days that I’m able to pick up the pizza quickly, get home and quickly eat my two slices, I don’t feel any guilt about having all the extra carbohydrates. But today...Domino’s had run out a few minutes before. So, I had to sit and wait for the pizza...all the while thinking about my indulgence. Nonetheless, I waited.

Sitting waiting too for her pizza was another woman with a pretty face and a seemingly happy disposition. In hearing I had to wait a few extra minutes, I smiled at her in half-frustration, saying “just my luck.” That seemed to open her up.
She asked me about my makeup and the seeming “glitter” on my face. We began a casual exchange.

Then...she REALLY opened up.

She told me that she normally wouldn’t be having pizza today, but she had taken the day off. She’d had a series of mishaps yesterday, including a flooding in her bathroom and her cat having to be rushed to the emergency room. “This is the first day I’ve ever taken off work,” she said.

Puzzled, I asked her then, why, was she feeling so guilty. She explained that she was very happy...and lucky... to have this job as a legal secretary; she couldn't "mess up." Then she talked about some other things, including all the extra weight that she needed to lose.

I knew God wanted me to step in and use my training and skills as a spiritual director, when I heard her tell me that most of the time, “I feel so covered up. I don’t know who I am in there. I feel so lost to myself.” I then told her that in addition to my professional communications and PR work, I was trained as a spiritual director.

She hesitated for a moment, telling me she was a “Christian” and wondered if that would go against her religion. I smiled, explaining that I was an ecumenical spiritual director i.e. I work with people of all religions, because you see, I told her, “I don’t focus on the person’s religion. I focus on the Spirit of God within them.”

She relaxed and talked some more. And I talked some more, encouraging and soothing her.

What was troubling to me as she talked was the guilt trip she was on. I told her that from what she was telling me, she’d created her own prison in her head...with different cells and that she needed to let go of that prison. She said that she knew, but she didn’t know how because she believed that God was mad at her for messing up so often!

I wondered out loud who had told THAT! She said the minister at a church she used to attend.

I felt myself getting indignant, but I knew I had to stay with the process. So very calmly, I continued to talk to her, building her and offering her some quick strategies to get back on her road to feeling good...especially about going to work tomorrow, where, she said, she’d be given a hard time for taking the day off!

A woman with a pretty face...weighed down with guilt...by a job she was "lucky" to have... and a minister!

I explained to her that God is not going to put her on any guilt trip, because he doesn’t weigh our works in the world...“he only knows our Spirit.” I explained that that’s what was important i.e. her connection, or lack of connection, to him. I said if God were ever to get “mad” with us...and he doesn’t...it would be for that reason and that reason ONLY: not connecting to our Spirit!

She seemed to have had a burden lifted. She smiled through the slight tears that had formed in her beautiful blue eyes.

We hugged before I left Domino’s. I told her I charge nothing for my spiritual director's work i.e. for meeting with her, so she could call me without worrying about having money, and we could meet once a month...if she wished. I told her the reason I don’t charge is simple: she is the one who does all the work! We would start with her getting rid of all that guilt that had been placed on her soul.

She smiled a happy smile, as she and I walked to our cars. That's when I learned her named..."Vicky," she said. "It's really Victoria...but what I'd really like is to start calling myself 'VICTORIOUS.' " I gave her a thumbs up for that.

The last thing she said to me is, “I’ll call you.”

Did I say that I was on a guilt trip about stopping at Domino's for pizza?

Well...NO!

By the time I got home, I was ready to eat FOUR slices, not two.

Namaste’,

Che’