Will Your "Balloon" Rise or FALL in 2012?

It's a new year. It's a new you.
Really?

Think again.

Getting ready for the new year, one of my
roommates and I took a few minutes out of our busy
New Year's Eve activities to send up Chinese wishing lanterns,(for our purposes, "balloons.") into the sky. The balloons are supposed to release your wishes into the universe.

It seemed like a simple exercise. Open
the balloon and attach the candle, which, once
lit, causes the balloon to rise, as far as the eye can see.

Great stuff. We were looking forward.

My roommate went first. I could tell she was
pouring her heart and soul into making the wish (es)
she wanted so badly to come true.

The lit candle was securely attached to the balloon.
We tried to "fly it" as a kite, based on the instructions. Nothing.

With all the twisting and turning, the candle
fell apart from the balloon, burning on the ground
until I finally flattened it with my shoe.

Then, I lit mine.

My "wish" was not really a wish. It was
a silent prayer, mostly of gratitude.

I released my balloon. It hesitated, then began to
circle around the backyard, until it started its
slow ascent into the sky.

It was a beautiful thing to behold, seeing that balloon become only a blaze of fire in the late afternoon light.

Wow.

Wow, I thought again. It's all about the consciousness we take to any project, task or activity, isn't it?

Even before lighting the candle, my roommate had
trepidations about her "wish" coming true and her
balloon rising. Without a doubt, the universe
delivered what she expected.

Later, as I was settling into preparations for
New Year's Eve celebration, I glanced at my
iPhone and saw a message from a very close friend
in the Metro Chicago area.

The headline alone told the tale. It was just a person's name, but I immediately knew the
truth.

Quickly opening the note about the death of a mutual long-time
friend, my response surprised even me.

"She finally is at peace. She finally did it."

I felt no sadness. I felt nothing but the stark realization that this person, with whom both Christine and I had been so close in our "growing up" years, was dead.

It always used to be three of us: Christine, *Dotty and I.

We laughed together and shared all our dreams, hopes and desires and
encouraged each other, as we bicycled back and forth to each others'
homes in Maywood, Illinois.

We three were friends, even before we got our Illinois driver's license.



None of us doubted that our dreams would come true: Chris wanted to be a pharmacist, and she is today; Dotty wanted to be a television journalist, and she was and a very successful one for many years. Then there was me, who wanted... whatever I wanted. Here, I am today.

Over the years, as Dotty and I moved to different parts of the country to pursue our dreams, we would all three meet back
in the Chicago area for holidays. Chris is the only one who never moved away.

A curious thing began to happen, though, with Dotty as the years progressed.

She began to retreat more and more into herself, constantly comparing herself
to others. Indeed, at one time she worked directly with Oprah Winfrey, yes, "The Oprah," and had less than kinds words to say about Oprah during that time.


All her comments about this now very famous, very seemingly loving woman, had nothing to do with Oprah as a person. Dotty simply felt Oprah was taking up space at the station that she believed belonged to her!

And so it went with situation after situation.

Each and every time someone succeeded or superseded our friend, Dotty, she retreated more and more in anger and resentment.

She began to lose weight, because suddenly she began to consider herself "fat" in her perfect size 8-10 body.

Dotty began to shrink and shrink and shrink.

The last time I saw her, about two decades ago, she had dwindled down to nothing.

She also had become "nothing," with her "shrinking self," and error thoughts.

But we all, who were then her friends, knew no person or thing could save Dotty but Dotty herself.

We all grew sad and silent, watching our friend disintegrate into nothingness.

She tried to find God. Perhaps she did, as she got deeply involved in a very traditional religion.

We heard spurts of joyfulness within her. The beautiful and powerful voice she

always had did not fade. Over the phone, in the occasional phone calls, we still could wish and "imagine" our friend Dotty was "alive."

As she retreated and disappeared fully from our lives, we simply stopped seeking her out, stopped talking about her or even, truthfully, caring about her.


She had taken turns to find a way to make each of us not want to be in touch with her any more.

Our friend, **Dotty Wray, died sometime last week, just after Christmas.


The message of her death began to filter through her former network of friends yesterday.

Shock waves.

No.

No one seemed surprise.

We all knew our friend had died many years before she actually stopped breathing.

You see, we knew that she had chosen a slow death when she first began to choose anger, resentment and hostility against others as a way of life.

By the time she got "religion," and tried to change her "stinking thinking," she was too far gone and began to project her behavior onto us, stating that we make ourselves unavailable to her.

My friend, Dotty, had died many years ago. She simply was holding on, breathing, hoping that by magic her dreams of seizing control of the world would come true.

You see, what I know, is that my friend, Dotty, began to want too much of what belonged to everybody else by right of their consciousness. She simply refused to get deep into herself to discern what it was that she really, truly wanted out of life. All her aspirations were about seeing them play out in a "big" way for everyone else to see.

She began to want what you and I and anyone else had that she did not. Even as she became increasingly "invisible" to herself and her friends, she had goals that would make her even more visible to the larger world.

She began to want everything that was not herself...the beautiful self that we once knew as Dotty.

Even as she moved to a rural state to try to find peace, Dotty took "herself" there. The anger, hostility and resentment were with her as she tried to start a new life.

She lived in this rural state for more than 20 years, but she never found the peace that she sought.

Not even in the tranquility of hot springs and mud baths.

Why?

Dotty took "herself" there.

R.I.P. Dotty Wray! Your "balloon" has risen now!

I don't need to know much more of what "illness" finally took her life. What I know is that whatever she was finally diagnosed with in the last years of her life, Dotty already had signed a warrant to pay it in full.


Is your balloon going to rise or fall in 2012?

It's ALL about the "consciousness" you keep.

Happy 2012!


Please enjoy this New Year prayer, in its unedited version, prepared by Rev. Cecilia Loving of Spiritmuv, (http://spiritmuv.com), New York City:

"This is what I wish for you: more happiness than you can contain, more joy than you can imagine, more goodness than you have room for, more prosperity than you can bank, more health than you can heal with, more light than you can shine, more wisdom than you can tap into, more ideas than you can express, more gratitude than you can thank, more angels than you can smile at, more miracles than you can keep track of, more generosity than you can spend, more money than Oprah, more hallelujahs than Jesus, more moments of realizing that you are one with a universe that is moving and grooving as God.

And so it is, so let it be."

Namaste',

Che'

NOTE: *My roommate gave permission to use her story.
**Dotty Wray is a pseudonym.