In Quebec, I recently discovered, it's against the law for women to use their husband's last name!
Reason?
It's easier for the government when the couple gets a divorce.
I laughed out loud at the sheer cynicism of the decision when I first heard it.
But you know what?
It makes so much sense!
It's not that I've bought into the belief that people will get divorced in large numbers.
But think about this:
How free are we when we have to identify ourselves as a "couple" by having the same names?
I noticed something curious, too, about the woman who told me this: she seemed to have real power!
Unlike many American women I'd interacted with on the subject, this Canadian woman did not even pause to include her husband in the decision making.
She made the decision on her own...then...included him in a subsequent project she and I were working on...because it fit with his needs!
So now, an incremental benefit of the Canadian law seems to be that by having women maintain their identity in marriage, they also maintain their autonomy.
I'm sure the French Government didn't think of this. Nonetheless, they have empowered their women by default!
I want to believe that we are all FREE in all that we do.
But we know that's not true.
We know that all of our actions or thoughts have a consequence, manifesting back to us in our world as our own experience.
As you know, this is the law of Karma, suggesting that as we choose our thoughts and actions towards others and ourselves, there are consequences. Thus there are consequences, too, for us choosing not to be FREE!
From our youth, we may have been witnesses to people manipulating others by acting a certain way to get certain results. This is no less so than with many single women I've observed over time. (This observation now also includes men.)
Many give up their sense of SELF and give their power away to men, bowing to their will instead, just to be in the company or arms of a man.
Ultimately, I've seen the suffering that results from this type of self sabotage and relinquishing of freedom.
What these women and others who act similarly don't realize is that when we give ourselves away to others, by choosing not to be ourselves, then we absolutely have given away ALL of WHO we are...so the man (or woman, in the case of a man in a heterosexual relationship) has nothing left to embrace!
When we give ourselves away, the "shell" of who we are is left...empty... and devoid of true substance.
True Freedom, I believe, comes from being FREE to BE all of who you were created to be in...mind...body...SOUL!
So, I applaud the government in Quebec, whether their intentions were cynical or not, for at least being on the RIGHT TRACK!
By mandating that French women keep their last names is certainly a first step in acknowledging the rights of women to certainly be free to BE!
But we should all learn from what is not being mandated:
True freedom comes from within!
We were all created to be FREE ...in mind, body...Soul!
True freedom also comes from what is not being mandated:
Allowing others their freedom...whether in religious differences, sexual preferences, politics...
Achieving that level of understanding and tolerance is true freedom.
Hurray to Quebec for beginning to see the light!
Namaste',
Che'
1 comment:
FROM EMAIL:
Dear Che,
Well done and well said! I especially appreciate the point you made that if you give the whole of yourself away to someone else--and that doesn't really have to be an individual either, it can be a something else as well, I think--whatever or whomever is seen as so important and powerful enough to be given all is really given nothing.
I remember, decades ago, reprinting a 1935 or so edition of VANITY FAIR, in which there was an article advocating that women keep their maiden names after marriage. They divided women into categories of those who participated in the business world, the artistic or creative world, and the social world (wouldn't they just?) and whoever wrote the article used each category to explore the virtues of having a stronger identity as a result from keeping one's own name. What is interesting is that that is one of the few things from that period, when I somehow did massive amounts of work, that stuck with me.
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